And I have the badges to prove it! (I’ve been registered with the Boy Scouts for 7 years, so, yes, I am a Boy Scout!)
Welcome to the Illustrious Order of Cast On Knitting Scouts!
Wherein it is acknowledged that members are:
- Not opposed to alcohol.
- Into badges.
- Mostly in agreement that there is no right way to knit.
- Committed to diligent positive and accurate presentation of knitting and knitters, to editors, producers, directors, and those generally presumed to be part of “The Media” in an effort to close the gap of Public Knitting Literacy.
I believe I’ve earned the following badges.
The “Proselytize Knitting” Badge – A requirement for all Knitting Scouts, the recipient must do his or her bit to present knitting in a positive light, whilst at the same time avoiding all references to “hipness”, grandmothers, and yoga. I will talk to anyone, anywhere, at anytime about knitting. Just ask my forme….er…friends.
The “MacGyver” Badge (Level One) – The recipient must demonstrate clever use of a non-knitting tool in a knitting-related scenario. For instance, recipient has used paper clips as stitch markers, or successfully whittled and then utilized bamboo skewers as dpns. I’ve used paper clips as stitch markers, a pencil as a cable needle and knitted on the short ends of my Options, without the cable attached.
The “MacGyver” Badge (Level Two) – The recipient must demonstrate clever use of a knitting tool in a non-knitting-related scenario. For instance, recipient has used a strand of Regia Bamboo to slice cheese, or repaired a small appliance with a metal knitting needle. I’ve used dpn’s as hair sticks, teenage prodders and to get various items I couldn’t reach. We won’t discuss what I’ve done with straight needles.
The “I Can Be an Asshole When It Comes To Knitting” Badge – In which the recipient is so passionate, opinionated and entirely convinced of his/her own superior knowledge about all things knitting, that he/she may appear pompous, rude, or self-righteous. This, I think, needs no explaination.
The “Knitting Whilst Under the Influence” Badge – This applies to both actual knitting under the influence, as well as achieving moments of stunning intellectual clarity about ones knitting under the influence. Presumes talking about knitting whilst under the influence a given. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, right?
The “I Will Impress You With My Math Prowess” Badge – The recipient is a whiz at substituting yarns and calculating gauge, can space increases and decreases evenly and is fully comfortable with the basic math encountered in all knitting projects. Been there, done that.
The “I Will Crush You With My Math Prowess” Badge – The recipient has applied the principles of higher mathematics to knitting including, but not limited to hyperbolic planes, Fibonacci sequences, Klein bottles, Moebius strips, fractals and Flying Spaghetti Monster hats. I’ve written several patterns now, I’m not afraid of the math anymore.
The “Knitting Has Forced Me to Seek Medical Attention” Badge (Level One) – In which the recipient has been forced to seek the advice of a medical doctor, nurse, or alternative healthcare professional for injuries sustained as a result of knitting. A size one dpn to the soft flesh of the under arm…yeah..ouch!
The “I’ve Knit Items With No Conceivable Practical Application” Badge – Recipients are those “special” campers who have knit items which somehow missed the mark of their intended application. There are probably more who are deserving of this badge than one would expect. Just peruse the blog, nothing else needs to be said.